She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
