I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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