i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
