god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
