Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
