He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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