There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
