Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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