discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need moral support for this bender
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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