The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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