You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
