Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
