The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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