awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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