I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
