I think my vagina is haunted
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
