the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
