she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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