The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
someone owes me an orgasm
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
