do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
