yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
