What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Im part way to drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
