we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
