This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
