goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
