Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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