Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
