Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
