how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
