my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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