i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
