Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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