Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
