Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
