He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
