if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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