i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
