I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
