She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
