people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
