I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
