that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
