lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Will exercising make me less horny?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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