Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
