My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
