Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So vagazzling was a success
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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