Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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