what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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