You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
