he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
