he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
