Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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